While we wait for Christ’s return… while we wait for answers, relief, dreams, and healing… how do we wait well?
Biblical lament is a foundation.
Less are hearts become frozen…. a poem of mine:
Dethawing
I.
A reminder here
thoughts that trail there,
and I can sense,
the temperature dropping,
cooling in my heart.
Loneliness fills the next day,
while aloneness,
starts to suffocate,
taking the warm breath of life,
with it, away from me.
The change in the air,
can be felt now.
Fear and pain taunt;
they prick every part of my body,
a cold wind that stings.
I am too afraid to relive,
to risk again;
too tender to try,
this human thing,
vulnerable embodiment.
It’s frigid now;
And I welcome it,
the only way to survive,
in this climate,
I think.
A freeze begins;
Layer after layer of ice,
Over my heart;
the protection,
I welcome.
This frozen state,
within me,
is the right thing,
for my deeply felt feelings,
too tender to try anymore.
The ice, overcomes;
I don’t fight it.
The weight is heavy inside;
but at least I am safe,
it seems.
II.
I’m falling
falling,
away from reality,
the weight of a heart of ice,
that I’ve allowed to
overcome me,
is too much to bear.
A burden
that I cannot carry,
it pulls me,
plunging me
down,
down,
to depths,
that cannot be navigated.
All that stops me,
is colliding,
smashing into the
ice castles
I’ve built around me,
places to house my memories,
protect my grief,
to keep it out of me,
but still close by.
And as ice collides with ice,
a breaking begins.
III.
There’s a light,
this morning,
as I sit among the shards,
forced to be still,
from the wreckage.
Sunshine hits the brokeness,
these cracked pieces of ice,
of my glacier heart,
capturing color,
reflections of beauty,
that catch my eye.
So fragile,
like glass,
I hold these pieces,
with caution,
as tears fall,
touching,
every painful piece of brokenness.
A strange beauty,
is becoming,
in this mess,
as I see and behold;
a gratitude,
to still be.
My protective layering,
melting away,
and I am raw,
frightened of what might touch me;
and that’s when the colors cascade,
I cry, at the beauty;
seeping into my skin,
and I let myself feel.
