#27 Girl Turning 40: How to Approach the Last Summer of My 30s?

I don't know what the summer will hold, but I know my heart needs gratitude

What do you do in the midst a chapter ending?

You grieve, and find the grace of gratitude.

It dawned on me as the summer solstice turned over the weekend that this is the last summer of my 30s

Summer Solstice Sunset in Charlottesville, VA

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If you’re new here, welcome. I’m in the midst of a yearlong, weekly-ish series leading up to my 40th birthday where I’m sharing my wrestling with suffering and grace, living in a life I never expected after betrayal trauma and divorce.

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What A Hard Decade Feels Like

I feel both heavy and light at the thought.

My stomach twists with the weight of those years. I won’t be the one to pretend I’ve not witnessed pain.

Right from the start, my thirties have been filled with trauma: X-rated marital betrayal, psychological abuse, public humiliation, physical pain, divorce, and a long hard road of recovery, all while I’ve felt my dreams for family slip through my fingers.

And all along, my thirties have been filled with God’s abiding love, with sanctification, with opportunities to grow in the freedom of losing lots, so I gain Christ more fully.

With a new chapter on the horizon, I’m reminding myself that I don’t have to see everything wrapped up with a bow. I don’t have to know the why of God’s purposes — I’ll admit I’m often trying to figure that out!

Tim Keller’s teaching on suffering convicts me —

“If you are willing to start to trust in God and not in your agenda and even your understanding of God’s agenda, you’ll finally be able to rest.” - Tim Keller

How Do We Live, Humbly and Redeemed?

He’s so good to give us tastes of redemption — I’ve certainly seen that — but may we stay humble so as not to presume we can figure it all out in the here and now.

So here’s to rest — to trust that’s grounded in biblical lament: grieving + God’s truth + praise.

And that’s how I’m going to enjoy this last summer of my thirties — with lots of gratitude, like this last weekend:

- Quality time with my sister
- Walks in the woods filled with ferns
- Berry picking
- Lake swimming
- Live music
- Melty cream cones
- Blue Ridge views

It’s hard to believe that I’m in this final quarter of my 30s coming to an end, before I turn 40. There’s been lots to wrestle with this past year, and that’s what I’ve hoped this year-long series would be a glimpse into. I’m open to feedback, and even exhortation!

Grace for Your Summer

You may be in an in-between season, too. The thing is, we can be amidst many chapters at once! Where ever you are, I pray you befriend your grief — because God longs to comfort.

And I hope you see the good, too. There are no promises of Hollywood victory stories — but there is abundant mercy and grace for you each day.

Here’s to a slow summer of freedom and gratitude, for whatever season you’re in.